TrueYou Blog

When we talk about physical trauma, we may refer to an injury caused by an accident or a violent act that threatens our life or safety. We know that leaving these wounds unattended could lead to harmful consequences in the future.

Emotional trauma also involves a threat to life or safety. Psychological injury resulting from extraordinarily stressful events such as growing up with an addicted family member or sexual abuse shatters the self-worth and security of a child. Healing the wounds of the past and overcoming the impact of early emotional trauma often requires tremendous courage and professional support.

Unpacking the past with a skilled therapist can help survivors of childhood trauma experience healthy relationships, make better career decisions and go on to lead happy and fulfilling lives in the long-term. Whatever your stage of life, there is no time like the present to begin your own awakening, writes HEATHER HAMILTON, CAREER ADVISER, TRUEYOU CAREER.

Here are five things you need to know to begin your healing journey and go from surviving to thriving:

1. Take the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Questionnaire

The findings of the ACE study showed that people who experienced four or more adverse childhood events were at greater risk of mental and physical health concerns in adulthood.

Filling out the ACE Questionnaire and obtaining your ACE score is a useful way of normalising the conversation about your adverse childhood experiences and opening a discussion with your physician or a mental health clinician.

There are 10 questions in the ACE Questionnaire and the test should take about five minutes. Questions include:

• Did a parent or other adult in the household often swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you?
• Did a parent or other adult in the household often act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?
• Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic or who used street drugs?

Add up your ‘yes’ answers to obtain your ACE score.

2. Learn more about Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can develop after a person has been exposed to a terrifying event in which physical harm occurred or was threatened such as in a car crash or during a time of war. Sufferers have persistent and frightening memories of their ordeal.

Complex trauma occurs when a victim does not have the ability to escape prolonged or repeated trauma such as in childhood when abuse is perpetrated by caregivers. Children who experience ongoing abuse or neglect live with a constant state of fear, worry and helplessness which is often carried over into adulthood.

Symptoms of CPTSD include difficulty managing emotions, anxiety, emotional flashbacks, chronic shame or guilt, low-self-esteem and feeling different from others. The longer a child continued to be abused or was left to deal with the situation on their own, the harder it may have become to cope with stress at a time when they were still developing emotionally.

Stress hormones cause powerful changes to the immune system and brain. The constant barrage of ‘fight or flight’ hormones like adrenaline reset the stress response to ‘high’ which can leave a lasting impact on a child’s mental and physical well-being.

Once we understand how the biological effects of emotional trauma can make life seem like an uphill struggle for survivors of abuse, we have begun the journey to healing from a traumatic childhood.

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker, is a practical, self-help guide to recovering from CPTSD based on his experience of healing from trauma and his professional approach to managing the lingering effects of childhood abuse as a Marriage and Family therapist.

3. Seek the support of a trained professional

Psychological trauma can leave survivors struggling with upsetting emotions and anxiety that won’t go away. Abuse survivors may be hesitant to seek support because they think it’s a sign of weakness, however working with a mental health professional can help a person find relief from emotional pain and deal with situations that arise as a result of trauma.

There are many treatment methods to begin recovery including talk therapy, CBT and EMDR with some counselling centres providing a low or no cost payment option. The power of talk therapy lies in forming an attachment with a safe person to address the adversity which may have occurred decades ago.

By partnering with the right therapist, victims of abuse experience unconditional acceptance as they begin the difficult process of reconstructing past events and learn to recognise their inner strength and value.

4. Establish healthy boundaries

Good emotional and physical boundaries form the basis of healthy relationships and friendships. Setting boundaries is a common struggle for survivors of childhood abuse as their boundaries were violated by the people they depended on for survival.

Trauma survivors are often people-pleasers or codependents with a tendency to place a lower priority on their own needs, rely on other people for approval or tolerate abusive behaviour. Establishing personal boundaries involves understanding how they were eroded, grieving that loss and deciding what behaviour you are no longer willing to accept.

Ross Rosenberg, a psychotherapist at the Self-Love Recovery Institute and author of The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us describes the process of Setting Boundaries in Hostile Environments as a necessary stage of recovery and one which will result in abnormally high rates of conflict, disapproval and heartache.

“It will be the hardest fight that you’ve ever engaged in,” says Rosenberg, who warns abuse survivors to be prepared for the inevitable fallout and the possibility of becoming a psychological orphan. But he adds, “It’s never too late to be the person you should have been.”

5. Practice good self-care

Self-care is any activity we do to take care of our mental and physical health. It is the key to improved mood, reduced anxiety and a good relationship with oneself and others. Self-care can mean attending to the basic needs of daily living, getting enough sleep, regular exercise or scheduling time to relax.

Survivors may find maintaining good self-care habits challenging and can often experience low energy or a sense of self-loathing, but commitment to self-care is essential to counter the side effects of trauma and support the healing process.  

Supplementing therapy with good self-care can help abuse survivors shift from the ‘fight or flight’ survival mode to the ‘rest and restore’ response of the parasympathetic nervous system. Practices such as Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), meditation and mindfulness have also been shown to be extremely beneficial in reducing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and treating anxiety.

Take the self-care quiz to determine if you could benefit from spending more time on self-care.

The path to healing

Psychiatrist and author, Morgan Scott Peck defined mental health as ‘an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs’ in the classic, bestselling guide to becoming one’s true self, The Road Less Traveled.

Working through past trauma is not easy but when we embrace healing, not only do we become the person we should have been, we also develop greater self-confidence, self-compassion, wisdom and joy.

The path to healing may be the road less travelled, but it is a worthwhile journey in which victims of abuse can go from surviving to thriving and turn childhood adversity into career and life success.

Heather Hamilton is an experienced career guidance counsellor and the founder of TrueYou Career. If you would like to explore your employment or further study options, get in touch to discuss your career goals in confidence or book your career guidance consultation.

If you or a loved one require support, reach out to people who can help by contacting the right service for you or find an accredited therapist in your area at iacp.ie, iahip.org or counsellingdirectory.ie. If you are in crisis, please contact the Samaritans, freephone on 116 123, text 087 260 9090 or email jo@samaritans.ie. You can also call Pieta House, freephone on 1800 247 247, text HELP to 51444 or email mary@pieta.ie.